ok, time to get personal, time to get real, time to get transparent.
Over the past few months I have spewed a lot of tears. I hate my hair (another post coming this week about help for that). I am frusterated by my weight gain (and my inability to lose it). I don't like what i am doing with my life. My libeo died somewhere along the way. I have been coughing (hard core) for 4 months. I am sick of where I live. I continually get shot down at the idea of jobs. I could make a list of 100 things I want to change, and I cannot come up with 5 that I like about myself.
A few nights ago my hubby and I got inot a spat when I came downstairs in a nighty and did not get the rection I was expecting. I immediatly tensed up, felt akward, and wanted to run away. Eventually, I just went upsairs and cried. and cried. and cried. Hubby tired to cheer me up, but I was lost.
I was once told that when feeling down on yourself, think of 5 things you like/love about yourself. I could not come up with 5, I only thought of 2 (I like my toes, and my nose, they are both peite).
Hubby had a revelation last night when i was feeling really down. I feel like something is wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. I have tried, exercise, dieting, crafting, reading, various hobbies, changing my clothes, putting on make up and getting dolled up- but nothing changes. His suggestion- friends.
I went from living with girls, and having close friendships with people living seconds from my door, to being in a city where I don't know anyone. The only people I can call friends (if i can) are people that I feel like I am intruding on. I often get left out of invites and things because I am married- an no one else is. I don't like that we are in such seperate places of life, or that i can't have hubby around with them.
So... how to i remedy this? How can I make my life better? How can I stop being sad?